Sitting with Feelings
What Does “Sitting with a Feeling” Really Mean?
We’ve all been there—your chest is tight, your stomach is in knots, or your mind is spinning, and your therapist says, “Just sit with the feeling.”
If your first thought is, what does that even mean? I was with you! From the outside, it sounds vague, maybe even frustrating. But from a mental health perspective, “sitting with a feeling” is one of the most powerful tools we have for emotional growth.
It’s not about wallowing. It’s not about liking the feeling you are sitting with. And it’s definitely not about trying to make it disappear faster. It’s about learning to notice and allow emotions to exist without immediately shutting them down or distracting ourselves.
Why we avoid feelings
Most of us are experts at dodging emotions. We scroll on our phones, pour another glass of wine, keep ourselves endlessly busy, or talk ourselves into “thinking positive.” These strategies work in the short-term because they numb or distract. But long-term? They train us to fear our emotions instead of facing them.
When we avoid it, emotions don’t just vanish. They get stored in the body—tension in the shoulders, headaches, restlessness, fatigue. Or they leak out sideways: irritability, procrastination, people pleasing, or emotional outbursts.
What sitting with a feeling looks like
Think of it as giving your emotions five minutes of airtime before rushing to the next thing. It’s less about what you “do” and more about what you don’t do.
Pause: Instead of flipping on the TV or numbing out, take a breath. Even thirty seconds counts.
Check in with your body: Ask, where is this showing up? Maybe sadness is a heaviness in your chest. Maybe anger is heat in your face.
Name it: Saying “This is anxiety” or “This is grief” helps bring structure to the swirl of sensations. It’s a way of grounding yourself in the reality that what you’re experiencing is, at its core, a very human emotion.
Stay curious: Instead of judging the feeling (I shouldn’t feel this way), try asking, what might this feeling be trying to tell me?
Sometimes, it might look like sitting quietly on the couch. Sometimes, it’s journaling for a few minutes. Other times, it’s walking slowly around the block while noticing the swirl of emotion instead of outrunning it.
What sitting with a feeling feels like
Here’s the hard truth: it often feels uncomfortable.
Emotions rise like waves. Anxiety can feel like your stomach is doing flips. Grief can feel like someone put a weight on your chest. Anger can feel like a storm brewing under your skin.
When you sit with the feeling, you’re not magically calm. You might feel restless, fidgety, or even impatient. But if you let the wave crest and fall, you often notice something surprising: it doesn’t last forever.
Most intense emotions peak within a few minutes, then naturally soften. When you allow yourself to ride them out, you start to build trust in your ability to handle discomfort.
Why it matters…
Every time you sit with a feeling, you’re teaching your brain: This is survivable.
Over time, this practice builds resilience. You stop needing to run from every pang of sadness or every surge of anger. You begin to see emotions less as enemies to conquer and more as signals to pay attention to.
Think of it like strength training for your emotional muscles. Just like lifting weights builds your body’s capacity, sitting with feelings builds your mind’s tolerance. The weight doesn’t get lighter, but you get stronger.
A Real-Life Example
Imagine you’ve had a tough conversation with a friend, and now you feel guilt pressing on your chest. Normally, you might text three other people for reassurance, or distract yourself by diving into work.
Sitting with the feeling would mean pausing. Maybe you close your eyes and notice the heaviness in your chest. You name it: “This is guilt.” You breathe into the heaviness. You remind yourself: “I don’t need to fix this right now. I just need to let myself feel it.”
After a few minutes, the guilt might soften. It might linger, too, but either way, you’ve stayed present instead of running away. That’s the practice.
How to get started
If this feels foreign, start small.
Set a timer for two minutes. Let yourself feel whatever’s there - without judgment, without fixing.
Use grounding techniques if the emotion feels overwhelming (deep breathing, box breathing, focusing on the sensation of your feet on the floor).
Remind yourself: emotions are information, not instructions. Feeling angry doesn’t mean you need to lash out. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you need to avoid.
The goal isn’t to become perfectly calm. It’s simply to prove to yourself that emotions, no matter how intense, come and go.
Takeaway
“Sitting with a feeling” is about allowing yourself to be human in real time. It’s messy, sometimes frustrating, and often uncomfortable. But it’s also one of the most powerful ways to build emotional resilience and self-understanding.
So next time you feel the wave rising, try pausing. Notice it. Name it. Let it rise and fall. You might be surprised at how much stronger you are than the feeling itself.