Window of Tolerance

The Window of Tolerance: Between Overwhelm and Numbness

The window of tolerance, a term created by Psychologist Dan Siegel, refers to the ideal level of stimulation for a person to manage and process emotions effectively. Imagine opening window on a cool night, when it's opened just enough it can allow the ideal amount of fresh air in. If that window is opened too wide, we end up too cold, if the window is opened too little, we end up feeling hot. Our window of tolerance represents our nervous system's ideal range of stimulation.

Of course, life doesn't always allow for us to stay in that ideal window of tolerance. When we are dysregulated our nervous system kicks us into fight-or-flight with hyperarousal, or freeze with hypoarousal. Each person's window of tolerance will be different, and the window can shrink or widen depending of factors such as trauma history, attachment wounds, and stress load. When we do become dysregulated, we want to find our way back to that ideal, safe zone. It is not uncommon to fluctuate between these states, and the more awareness we have of our window of tolerance, the easier it becomes to bring ourselves back. 

The good news is that we can increase our window of tolerance so that dysregulation happens less often. Our window may widen or shrink depending on the day. When we're hungry or didn't sleep well that window will temporarily shrink, and if we're having a great day it may widen. The work of therapy is to gradually increase that window of tolerance. Healthy relationships help to increase our window by allowing us to feel safety and connection. Mindful somatic work, like yoga, body scans, and breath work, allow us to rebuild trust and awareness of our bodies. Self-compassion soothes that inner critic that often plays a role in dysregulation. Through intentional awareness, compassion, and nonjudgmental curiosity, we can build up the window of tolerance.

Below are descriptions of the window of tolerance, hyperarousal, and hypoarousal, as well as methods of returning to the window of tolerance if dysregulated. I think back to the metaphor of opening a window, if it is opened it too wide we let in too much air and become hyperaroused, this can feel like too many emotions at once. If we do not open the window enough we become hypoaroused, which can feel like our emotions are being blocked by that window. Grounding techniques are very helpful to return to our window of tolerance, though different activities are suggested for hyperarousal and hypoarousal. 

Window of tolerance:
This is a calm, present state. We do not feel controlled by our emotions, and we can process and express emotions as we feel them. We are able to pause between stimulus and response, riding the emotional wave without feeling swept away. This does not mean we are always calm and never triggered, but that we can manage those emotions. Take note of times where you feel this way. 

Hyperarousal:
This is the fight-or-flight state. This may present as racing heart, restlessness, hyper vigilance, irritability, panic, difficulty sleeping or focusing. To come back to the window of tolerance, practice deep breathing, grounding exercises, humming and singing, or mindful movement such as yoga.

Hypoarousal:
This is the freeze state. This may present as dissociation, numbness, feeling as if you are "just going through the motions", flattened emotions, fatigue, or hopelessness. To come back to the window of tolerance, practice naming the emotion, splash cold water on your wrists, listen to upbeat music, or bounce on your heels. 

Building awareness of your window of tolerance is a key step toward emotional regulation. Dysregulation isn’t failure—it’s your nervous system trying to protect you. With time, compassion, and consistent practice, you can widen your window and return to balance more easily. The more you tune in, the more space you’ll find for calm, connection, and clarity.